The past week is been rough, I just haven’t felt good since Sunday. I’ve had more shortness of breath, I haven’t been sleeping well and even though it sounds weird, I just feel like my heart is too big for my body. It’s hard to explain but it just beats too hard. Guess it’s disappointing that I’ve been feeling better the past month and now feel like shit again. I went to see my pulmonary htn doc. He sent me for an echo. Just heard that the echo was fine but there may be some fluid in my lungs. So had to go get a chest X-ray today. I tell ya, it’s a good thing I am not working cause having a chronic illness is a full time job in its self! Well, the X-ray checked out fine too. Which is all good, don’t get me wrong! I’m happy I just wish I knew what is causing the changes. Maybe it’s just the disease. It’s a tease when I feel good. Like I think that maybe I’ll feel good always. Kinda like you don’t really notice your teeth until you have a toothache.
In other news, I’ve decided this is the year of the concerts for me! So I’m looking for some shows for April to fill up that month hopefully in Portland! Let me know if you hear of anything!
Oh one last thing to throw a wrench in my emotions. When I saw my pulmonary doc he said he wanted to send my records to one more place regarding transplant. Remember my last post talked about getting turned down by three places and I made peace with it? Well, Dr. J went to a conference in San Diego recently and wants some of the cardiothoracic surgeons he met to take a look. It can’t hurt right? I honestly do not think the answer will be different but whatever. I also admire and love that he doesn’t want to give up. So yeah, of coarse I gave him the go ahead. Who knows, even if they say no about transplant, maybe they will have other options on treatment for me.
With all that I’ve been through in my life I’ve learned that no matter what, life is too short. So I’m doing my best to live in the moment. I try not to think ahead too much. I try not to look back, but put my attention on the here and now. So eat your dessert first, drink all the wine and go to every concert you desire!